


What is faded and lost, is never gone for good

by TsunKing



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gonta is a sweet boy, Goshi - Freeform, Hoshi needs a hug, Kaede shows up for a really short moment, Love Confessions, M/M, My First Fanfic, Other students are just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 02:45:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12902274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsunKing/pseuds/TsunKing
Summary: How many days has it beensince the day my smile faded away?How long has it been . . .when I lost everything dear and close to my heart?





	What is faded and lost, is never gone for good

How many days has it been, since the day my smile faded away? How long has it been . . . when I lost everything dear and close to my heart? The day I took my tennis racket and steel ball in hand with a face of malign determination, and a misguided sense of justice. I remember returning home to find my parents dead in my home, I remember finding my lover in a body bag with a face frozen and bloodied with fear. “The dead can never come back”, I tell myself as I sit here in my cell, a hell of my own making, haunted by the past, for what I did, for what I caused . . . . . I don’t regret anything I did, regret just means I can’t accept my wrongs . . . and yet here I am, missing the warmth of being able to smile again . . . wishing that someone like me could just feel happiness, joy, humor . . . or love . . . . but it’s impossible. I’m nothing but an empty shell.

The letter that came to me arrived on a day like any else. An invitation to the prestigious academy at Hope’s Peak, “Ryoma Hoshi, we at Hope’s Peak would like to invite you to our school from which we scouted and recognize your talent as the ‘Ultimate Tennis Pro’ and wish for you to attend-”, reading that was all it took for me to crumple up the paper and haphazardly toss it into the corner of my cell. “Ultimate Tennis Pro”? What a joke. I’m nothing but a murderer, a kid with no hope left to make anything meaningful. Tennis had no place in my life, not after what I did. The lives I took, the future I threw away . . . gone, all gone in a blink of an eye. The letter sat there, making its home in the corner of my dirty and empty cell, almost taunting me. I’m given another chance at life and it's staring right at me. . . but who’s to say that anything I could do there would make a difference. Who’s to say that there would be anyone who could accept a monster like me. No one. That's how it should be. But now I sit here, curious as to who out there thinks I'm worth the effort of possibly reforming. With a defeated sigh and pick the paper back up and unfold it once more.

“-and wish for you to attend and accept our offer. You will be given basic academic courses as per requirement of a school, but we desire to see you hone and perfect your talent, and thus ask for your prodigious ability in tennis to be trained to its greatest potential and you will find that you can simply graduate just from perfecting your talent. We understand the circumstances regarding your sentence and are willing to make your time at Hope’s Peak a form of probation and ultimately do everything in our power to lift or lighten your sentence. The decision is yours but I give you my word.

Hope’s Peak Academy Headmaster  
-Jin Kirigiri”

I couldn’t say for sure how many times I looked at it, still trying to come to grips that someone out there thinks a mess like me could be salvaged, but who was I to judge the actions of others, who was I to question what was right and what was wrong.

Once everything was said and done, I was set. Dressed in my old get-up of my leather jacket and hat, but this time with my prison uniform and shackle, so that I could never forget what waited for me once my time in this school was over. They had a parole officer escort me to the school the day of the opening ceremony, not that I was gonna try anything once I got out. Not even someone like me was stupid enough to even think of trying something crazy, but I couldn’t blame them for being cautious nonetheless. 

“We’ve arrived,” the officer said. Pulling up the car to the school.

To say it was overwhelming would be an understatement. I got out the car and looked up at the building that towered over me, this sprawling academy where I would spend the next three years of my life. Three years that would amount to nothing. A convict like me has no hope of redemption, but it wouldn’t be cool to turn them down I guess. The parole officer got out of the car and led me inside. I could see the look on his face that shared the same question I held as to how someone like could even have been accepted here, but I accepted the circumstance all the same and reluctantly, my time as Ryoma Hoshi the Ultimate Tennis Pro began . . .

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A good few weeks passed and my classmates were. . . interesting to say the least. To name a few off the top of my head, there was Kokichi Ouma, the class liar who felt the need to make playful jabs at everyone in sight, Miu Iruma, who was about the most foul-mouthed, yet incredibly timid person I've had the pleasure of meeting, and Korekiyo Shinguji, the kind of guy who just gives me bad vibes period. They weren’t completely bad people, I kind of enjoyed their presence, not that I would ever admit that to them. And today was just like any other day, the usual chatter and banter coming from the class; Angie worshiping her god, Himiko just lazily agreeing to everything, Kiibo trying to fit in. it was all perfectly normal for them to talk like this and have fun, and here I am just standing off to the side like usual. Just watching them interact with each other as I stand here in the corner looking out the window, an outsider or outcast to the rest of them. Deep down I knew I was jealous. Jealous that these people had something I didn't.

A future.

But what did it matter, I've already accepted my past for what it is, so why am I just now beginning to second guess myself now of all times, when I thought I stood resolved... 

“Hey Hoshi-kun are you okay?” a female voice broke him out of his train of thought, it was Kaede Akamatsu. “You look upset. . .”

 

‘Yeah, I'm upset. Upset that you all seem so happy and cheerful and here I am wishing I could be as happy as you all’ Is what I wanted to say, but instead I told her “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry, I'm just . . . thinking about some stupid stuff.” 

I get up and immediately walk out the room, hearing the protest from Kaede as she tried to walk after me, but then he heard Shuichi’s who told her to give me some space and convinced her to leave me alone. I’d need to thank him later for that.

I wandered around for a little bit before I found my way to the tennis courts, the automated tennis machine sitting in the back, forgotten, new and unused. “Ultimate Tennis Pro” was my title, my reason for being here, and yet tennis felt so foreign to me. I couldn’t feel the same drive or passion I felt back then in my glory days. Days where I would play game after game and win after win, with the name Ryoma Hoshi being one that inspired many who aspired to play tennis. But now it was the name of a murderer, someone who didn’t deserve this second chance at life. I slowly walked over to the storage closet and made my way over to the rackets. The grip of the tennis racket brought me back to that night. The night which I exacted my vengeance on the mafia that took everything from me and for a moment i felt as though I was reliving that moment, only to find myself back in the storage room, with the tennis racket thrown across the room, my teeth clenched and eyes screwed shut, with tears threatening to gush out, but years in prison have steeled me and the tears never came.

“Hoshi? Are you here?” a voice called out to him and brought me back to my senses.

“I’m in the storage closet” I quickly responded, and did my best to calm down.

The voice belonged to Gonta Gokuhara, the Ultimate Entomologist, someone who was the complete antithesis of me. Where I was gloomy and cynical, Gonta was cheerful and innocent. I selfishly took the lives of others, Gonta is someone who selflessly wants to protect his friends. But like everyone else, he had a promising future, and me? All that waited for me was the noose around my neck and the longing to return to the people I lost.

Gonta walked into the storage closet and would look imposing as he towered over me, but only a soft and concerned smile was written on his face. 

“Oh, is this bad time?” he asked. “Gonta can come back later if he being a bother,” he told me, looking mildly embarrassed as he scratched the back of his head. 

“No, it’s ok. You can talk to me” I tried putting up a decent smile when I reassured him that he wasn’t being a bother, god knows how desperately I wanted to just spit out ‘yeah, you just interrupted me reminiscing about how much of a mistake I am and questioning my want to play tennis’ but I held back, this was Gonta I was talking to, he didn’t need to hear me talk like that, rather no one needed to. My past was my own problem and mine alone.

“In that case, Gonta was wondering if Hoshi was no feeling well. Gonta saw you looked sad today and it gentleman's duty to make sure friends are happy” he said, with his usual warm smile.

“Is that so,” I tell him. ‘Gentleman’s duty?' How naive. “Well, you're right. But it's nothing you need to worry about alright. Don't go spending your time worrying about me.”

“Huh? Is worrying about friend bad?” he looked shocked like he just had a shocking revelation. 

“No, it's nothing. My bad I spoke out of line there” I said, tugging my hat with a sigh.

“Then can Gonta spend time with you?” he asked and my attention spiked as I looked at him with skepticism. 

“What? You're seriously asking to spend time with me, a killer?” I shot back. 

“Gonta know Hoshi not bad person!” he retorted and was starting to look worried, “Gonta believes in friends! Because that's what gentlemen do!” looking more confident in his answer. 

‘Geez,’ i think, ‘this guy is really as naive as they come’ i think to myself. 

“Hmph. You sure are weird then. Thinking that I'm worth your time.” he looked at me with a puzzled expression before changing the subject. 

“Then, can Gonta play tennis with Hoshi?” he asked me and I was taken aback. Me? He seriously wanted to play tennis with me. But Gonta ignored my puzzled look of my own as he walked over to the tennis rackets and picked one up, looking comically undersized for him. “Hoshi likes playing tennis right? That's why you ‘Ultimate Tennis Pro’” he asks me with a curious expression, but I was still reeling from his previous statement so all I could tell him was 

“I can’t” in the emptiest tone possible.

“Huh?!” if he was being perfectly honest, the bemused expression on Gonta’s face was pretty funny to look at, but that wasn’t the issue. 

“Yeah, I can play. But ….. There’d be no point” I told him. 

“I put tennis behind me a long time ago, so there’s no reason for me to play anymore,” I said looking to the side and thinking back to the past. The past that I wish I could re-live. 

“Sorry….. Gonta not smart boy, so he no understand….” he looked dejected and the warm smile turned to a frown.

“It's ok, you don't need to think about it.” he reassures him but thinks ‘it’d be better that way’, but he may as well, “But, I guess playing a game with you couldn’t hurt,” he says flashing Gonta a thumbs up.

“Really! That’s great!” he exclaimed, and his eyes lighting up akin to that of an excited child, but then “Oh….. Sorry, Gonta don’t know how to play…”

“It’s fine, I can teach you,” I said without even realizing, as I took one of the tennis rackets in hand and some packs of tennis balls as I gestured him to follow me to the courts.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Their third game was coming to a close with me as the clear victor by a landslide, but it was clear the two of us were getting exhausted, Gonta, in particular, being pushed to the limit as he was playing an unfamiliar sport versus someone considered a pro at said sport like me. 

*WHAM*

 

The sound of a tennis racket hitting the ball with tremendous force echoed in the indoor court. Even though Gonta was a beginner he certainly had the strength to make up for the lack of experience when compared to me, but I was still the Ultimate Tennis Pro.

*THWACK* 

I spiked the ball back to Gonta’s court in a flash, and the Entomologist couldn’t reach it in time as the ball bounced and rolled away.

“That's game,” I tell him. With a satisfied sigh. “Geez…. How long has it been since I felt like this….” I mumbled to myself as a faint smile formed on my face.

“Gonta had lots of fun! Could Gonta play again some other time?” he asked, visibly exhausted, yet cheerful and a face that is beaming with joy.

“Heh, I didn’t expect you to like this…” I said “But….. I guess I wouldn’t mind playing tennis with you again” giving him a thumbs up once more.

“Really?! Gonta glad!” he says with his warm cheery smile. “Gonta glad Hoshi had fun too”

“Right back at you..” I grinned.

And so was the start of a friendship I never thought I'd have. Day after day passed where we would spend time playing tennis together. Sharing laughs in fierce and tense games all the while. I would win every game we played, but to my surprise that never deterred Gotna. On the contrary, that only seemed to bolster Gonta’s want to play the game again and again, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It felt like the more we played, the more in touch I felt with my love for tennis.

There would be some days where Gonta would take me to his lab, where he kept all his insects. I didn’t see the appeal and was rather uncomfortable to be in a room full of hundreds of bugs, but it was something that Gonta enjoyed, so I gave them a chance. It was always fun to listen to him passionately go on and on about different species and such, explaining little quirks and traits unique to each variety of insects and what gave them an identity. It was clear to me how much he cared for them and was something that was remarkable and admirable about him to be perfectly honest. He was devoted and caring to something that people would be easily disgusted by or be freaked out by.

Sometimes the two of us would spend more time with our classmates, much to Kaede’s delight, to finally see me interacting with everyone else. It was really minimal and slow at first but I slowly learned the in’s and out of more and more of my classmates the more timed that passed, and I could finally share the laughs and moments that I only spectated before. I’d give some advice to Shuichi and helped the detective be more confident, there would be times where I'd help out Tsumugi out with her cosplays since apparently, my height is “perfect to try out some new cosplays!” I even like to look back to one night where a group of us had a poker night. I ended up winning by a large margin, and Kaito, on the other hand, failing miserably, with Miu along Kokichi laughing at him much to Kaito’s chagrin.

But the more days that passed, I then eventually realized the position I was in. Here I am, playing a sport I thought I left behind, that I thought I had no place in playing. Here I am, enjoying my time at this school, and spending time with my classmates. Here I am, accepted by one of the most innocent and cheerful people I could possibly know. Someone who unlike me, is oblivious to the lowest of the lows that the world and its people can sink too. I thought back to the last time I was this happy was back before all that stuff with the mafia happened and I was just a kid who loved tennis and his cat and lover, even more, someone who was oblivious and naive... just like-

*WHAM*

“Hrgh?!” A tennis ball connected with my chest and snapped me out of my thoughts as I heaved and stumbled to the ground, trying to regain my composure.

“Gonta so sorry!” he yelled running over to me and checking if I was hurt “Gonta didn't mean to..” he looked like he was about to cry.

“It’s fine….. That was a good shot though” I said with a low laugh “..............”

“W-what wrong? Is Hoshi upset? It Gonta’s fault isn’t it?” he said as he started to panic.

“No no! That’s not it, I swear!” I said, doing my best to calm down. “Its….. something you don’t have to worry about…”

“Gonta will listen to what Hoshi has to say!” he says out of nowhere “Gonta not sure if he would understand…. But Gonta do his best always!” he says looking determined

“Geez….. You're always like this….” I said with a sigh, always putting others before himself and willing to listen and solve people's problems. That naive form of thinking is what makes him Gonta Gokuhara. But I guess there’s no point in hiding it. So I take a deep breath and tell him.

“You should probably stop sticking around by me” I flat out tell him.

“H-huh? G-Gonta don’t understand….” 

“You're someone who has a future, someone who has a purpose in life……” I said in a solemn tone. “As for me…… there’s nothing left for me out there. Just a sport I threw away and an execution getting closer and closer with each passing day.”

“But doesn’t Hoshi have family? Why he keep saying he have no one?” he asked, and the question was like a knife in my heart. I knew the question was innocent in nature, but the words still stung all the same. They only reminded me that I had nothing.

“I don’t, they’re all gone”

“What?! That unpossible right? Hoshi must be mistaken!”

“It’s true….but…. if you don’t mind….. Would you listen to my story?” I asked. I was in no position to be asking this of him, it was just another selfish act of mine, some part of me desperately wanted to let this all out. It felt like a vice in my chest that tightened every time I wanted to hide the details of my past from others.

“Of course!” he exclaimed.

I sigh and question where to begin. “I guess, it all started, during my time abroad when I got a shady invitation to participate in a tennis tournament”

“What Hoshi mean by shady?”

“It means that the tournament was rigged” I explained. “It wasn’t a competition from any official source, meaning it was an underground tennis competition I was playing in. and the tournament was rigged against me”

“But rigged how?”

“Basically, I was meant to lose the final match versus a selected player. The game was meant to drag my title of ‘Undefeated Tennis Pro’ in the mud and humiliate me, but the opposite happened” I grimaced. “I managed to beat the player I was put up and meant to lose against and won me the tournament…”

“That good! Gonta happy to hear that!” he exclaimed, not realizing he only twisted the knife once more.

….. He really has no idea, I think to myself “It's not….. Because what I didn't know was that, the tournament was organized by the mafia...” I gritted my teeth at merely the mention of them. “And the fact that I won, humiliated them. So naturally, they weren’t happy”

“O-oh…..” he could tell Gonta was worried where this was going and I was pretty sure anyone would be.

I took a deep breath before I continued on “When I got home that day….. I found a hitman sent by the mafia waiting for me…..with my parent's dead bodies strewn across the living room… and he tried to kill me then and there” the pain in my expression was clear as I retold this story.

“That’s…. That’s terrible!”

“Heh….. it gets worse…” the tears slowly pricked my eyes, but I held them back. “I ran to my girlfriend immediately after I escaped the hitman. I told her to pack her things and run far away….. I thought maybe sending her away from me would keep her safe…..”

“Did…. did she escape?”

I screwed my eyelids shut as images flashed in my head…… “No. she didn't…. I found her in a body bag in a motel I was hiding in….. Her face had horror and fear written all over her…. To this day….my greatest regret… is not being there with her. I thought…. Maybe if I just stayed with her…. She wouldn’t have had to die alone….”

Gonta doesn't even say anything, the tears coming out of his eyes and the sobs slowly escaping was all I needed to know what he was thinking and wanted to say.

“And that was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Because the next day I massacred the entire mafia in revenge….. And now I stand here….. A broken kid who used his talent to kill all because I was too damn naive and never thought about the consequences of his actions” I finished with a deep sigh.

“Gonta… Gonta really sorry for Hoshi…. No one should…. Go through that..” his sobs broke his sentence apart as he tried to get his sympathy across.

“That's why. You shouldn’t….. you shouldn’t get close to someone like me…..” I shuddered with each breath as I continued “Your someone…. Who’s got a bright future ahead of them…. And as for me…. I have…..nothing”

“But that's not true! Hoshi only deserve only good things because Hoshi did nothing wrong!”

“Nothing…. Wrong..?” I opened my eyes and an empty gaze was all I gave to Gonta “what…. What do you mean… ‘nothing wrong’” the knife in my heart had all but torn apart everything that I held back inside me. “It’s all because of my carefree and naive attitude why all that happened!” I yelled and Gonta was immediately taken aback.

“G-Gonta didn't mean-”

“I had no right to take the lives of those scum, yet I did it anyway! In the end, I'm no better than the mafia I went out of my way to destroy!” the tears I tried so hard to hold back had slowly started to seep out of my eyes “The police, everyone! They have every right to take my future away from me! That's why I'm telling you! That you shouldn’t be friends with someone like me! All I am is just a murderer……that's all…..”

“T-that's not true..!” he said as a large pair of arms wrapped around me. “Gonta still want to believe in you…. Gonta knows that's right thing to do..”

“Why?!” I cried out to him. “What good is there in believing in someone like me?!”

“Because… Gonta cares about Hoshi” he tries to smile through his tears and sobs “Hoshi is Gonta’s important friend and wants the best for him no matter what. Because… Gonta really likes Hoshi too” he blushes, as I do the same.

“What….. What? Do you even…. Are you hearing yourself?!” I was taken aback and honestly who could blame me. Here I was, lamenting over my mistakes and now he tells me this. “Why? What could you possibly see in me that…. That would cause you to feel that way….” my voice became hoarse as I slowly came down from my outburst, slowly losing the energy to yell.

“Hoshi is someone who nice and always listens to others…” he explained “He never judge people harshly and is always fair and when Gonta play tennis with Hoshi, Gonta feel like he has no worries! To Gonta, Hoshi is real gentlemen!”

“.......” this has to be a mistake, I think to myself. How could he care and think about me like that…. Me? Of all people….

“Is… Hoshi mad...? Gonta made mistake didn’t he….” his face started to look dejected once more.

“Of … of course not…i’d love that...” I said. My hiccups and shaky breathing making it hard for me to speak, as I was rightfully overwhelmed. “….. But are you sure you want… to be with someone like me….?” I asked him one last time. Trying to make sure that somehow this wasn’t probably one of the biggest misunderstandings of all time.

“Gonta is sure!....more than anything Gonta wants to be there for Ryoma!” I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing into his chest once those words hit my ears. Someone actually cared about me. Believed in me. Even love someone as broken and hopeless as me. “Then…if you sure..... to make sure you don’t… regret your decision….. I’ll do my best… to be there for you too Gonta….” I told him as I lifted my head and looked up with a sad smile.

That was all that needed to be said. As I continued to cry, but Gonta held me tighter, as he patted my back and comforted me from my sadness. We never got to finish that tennis match, but we ended off with Gonta scoring his first point against me. He ended that match off knowing I felt the same about him, and I ended that match off knowing that there was someone who cared about me, something I never thought I could ever have again. But most of all, after that match, the smile I thought I lost….. The earnest smile finally found its way back to me, as I slowly fell asleep in the arms of someone I love.

**Author's Note:**

> Wowie, I originally intended this to be maybe 1000-2000 words, but nope! 4000 words!  
> Feedback is appreciated since I had actually enjoyed writing this and hope you all enjoyed reading too :D


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